brittleeallen

More Blessings than We Could Count

More Blessings than We Could Count

I’ve been filling my brain with a lot of World War II novels, documentaries, and movies. Probably a good idea for someone often tempted to lie awake at night making up scary scenarios in her mind. But alas, here we are.

I tend to internalize sad stories, pondering the pain of experiencing the same circumstances of others. Empathy comes easily to me, usually for the good of others but sometimes to my demise. Picture me sobbing as I tell my husband of how awful it would be if such and such happened and begging him to never die. Then picture my husband laughing at me in my ridiculousness. But seriously, what would I do if I only had a piece of bread to feed my child? How tragic would it be to see my husband and son killed and then face sudden death myself? What if we were bombed and panic ensued? …

Read More

Bow Before the Omnipotent God

Bow Before the Omnipotent God

A couple of years ago I bought a bag of zinnia seed mix for dummies on a whim. You just sprinkle it on the soil, water, and watch. Within a few weeks, my own cut-flower garden emerged, full of bright oranges, pinks, and reds. Excited by the results, I decided I’d buy the same mix the next spring. I followed the instructions and waited…and waited…and waited. Nothing. Not a single sprout from the ground. “What’s summer without zinnias?” I said to a friend. So I tried again. Nope. Still not right. Frustrated, I bought a packet of seeds and tossed them on the flower(less) bed and prayed for at least a few blooms. 

I did get a few beauties to behold in my flower garden that year, but I imagine I’d have gotten many more if I could speak them into existence like God created the world by the power of his word.…

Read More

Seventeen Years with a Thorn in my Stomach

Seventeen Years with a Thorn in my Stomach

I haven’t eaten Taco Bell in years. As an adult, I succumbed to the fact that my body really only ever rejected such an offering. “I’m gonna regret this,” I’d say to my high school friends when grabbing a quick burrito before practice. We all laughed. But, at some point, it wasn’t funny anymore.

I’ve suffered moderate to severe stomach pain since I was fourteen. As I write this, cramps that pulse up and down my abdomen, seemingly catching on other organs and twisting and turning make it hard to breathe. This is normal for me. And it has been for seventeen years. 

I can hear my son giggling with his daddy and I think of the many moments I miss while curled over in the bathroom. I’m weary of missed moments, of asking for prayer again, of being scared to eat, of fearing the next attack. I’m weary of chronic illness. 

Read More

Surprised by Joy in Motherhood

Surprised by Joy in Motherhood

“Dees,” said the sweetest little voice as our son pointed out the “doggie” in his bedtime story. It’s my new favorite thing. That and a million other things he says and does. Like how he follows our amens with an adorable “anay.” Or how he reaches over to play with my sleeve or hold my finger. Even how, to show his affection for his daddy and I, he grabs our legs and goes in for a big bite. Motherhood is sweet. 

Before my husband and I began our journey into parenthood, I was thoroughly prepared for the pain and frustration that being a mom would bring. Mommy bloggers on social media preached to me that motherhood was a sort of death. Not the holy, Christlike death to our self-service that it truly is, but a death of all things easy and joyful.

They made me believe I’d hate my days at home with a little one.…

Read More

The Gifts God Gave Me Through Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

The Gifts God Gave Me Through Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

This article was originally published on Gospel-Centered Discipleship.

It was a warm October that year. As the leaves began to boast one last time bearing auburns and oranges before falling to their death, I suspected new life. The first signs of pregnancy found their place in the smell of a far-off unlit candle and the heaviness of my eyes. One pregnancy test later and my suspicions were confirmed. But just as we lost our first baby, this one was gone too soon, as well as our third child. 

After nearly two years of walking through devastating grief on grief on grief, I was diagnosed with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss. 

It was like walking through a season of storms and steady rain. The storms are like tsunamis, threatening to overtake and drown your life in sorrow. Once the storm is hushed, you’re left with unrelenting rain—the steady undertone of sadness as you learn to live without the babies you’d hoped would be part of your life. …

Read More

Where to Look When You Question Your Salvation

Where to Look When You Question Your Salvation

One evening at Bible study a few years ago, a comment was made that immediately sent me into a spiral of questioning my salvation. I drove home with fearful thoughts swirling in my head. When I finally arrived, I knelt down beside my bed and wept before the Lord. What if I’m not a true believer? I wondered.

Assurance of salvation is something most Christians have struggled with at some point. Am I truly saved or am I just fooling myself? Will I spend my whole life thinking I’m fine only to be one of the people Jesus declares he never knew (Matthew 7:21-23)? 

These types of questions make anxiety pulse through our hearts. Our sin lies before us and we worry if that angry thought or this sinful action could be a result of a heart not yet saved. Soon, we find ourselves looking so inwardly that despair is our closest companion.…

Read More

Hey guys! Do you love pretty mugs and bible study tools? Me too! Thats why I love Kristin Schmucker's shop. Click on the picture to check it out!