I’m not great at a lot of things, but some people say I’m pretty good at planning. I planned my own wedding, I’ve planned over twenty bridal and baby showers. I plan game nights, birthday parties, brunches, and teas. I’m also good at planning out my life. In my head I plan when and where we will move, how many children we hope to have, family vacations, dates, anniversaries—so many things to plan! The problem is, my plans don’t always align with God’s plans (Who knew?!). 

Like the time I became an ex-fiance at the age I’d planned to marry. Or the many times I’ve had to cancel plans due to a flare-up of my chronic stomach pain. Or like this week, when we discovered three (benign) tumors on my spine in the middle of multiple major life decisions. My plans are shifting. 

Honestly, I’m okay with that. I see evidence all around me of how God’s plans are abundantly better than anything I could dream up.…

A month ago, my husband dropped off our sweet dog, Ruby, to have surgery to remove her eye and replace it with a prosthetic. We’d tried everything in our power to avoid this surgery, but in the end, it was the best decision to ensure her greatest health and comfort. Had we left it alone, she would continue to live her life burdened by the pain that eye was causing her.

When my husband brought her home from the surgery, it was a heartbreaking sight. She shook uncontrollably from head to paw, her eyelid was swollen shut, blood emerged from her wound, she whimpered at even the slightest move, and with the cone of shame snug around her neck, she was an anxious mess.

My husband and I were in a way “sovereign” over her pain. It was we who made the decision to cause her to endure this. My husband took her to the Veterinarian.…

Have you ever had to choose between gasoline and food? I have. Have you ever had to overdraft your account to be able to eat? I have.

As a new believer, I was entered immediately into a series of trials. I was single, healing from the heartbreak of a broken engagement, working two jobs that barely paid more than minimum wage, and not just struggling to pay my bills—failing to pay them. I couldn’t afford rent, let alone car insurance, so when I was pulled over for expired tags (something that completely slipped my mind), I had nothing to show for coverage. One court date later and I no longer had a license.

How was I supposed to pay my rent if I couldn’t drive to work?

Things were tough. I thought my life was falling apart, but truly, God was using these things to put me back together.

The Lord Provides

Looking back, I’m amazed at the ways God provided during that time.…

She gave in again. His charm tempted and eventually convinced her that the passion of sin would outweigh the consequences. He lied. As he rolled over to fall asleep, she lay crushed by guilt and buried in shame. She wondered how she could be so weak.

Many Christians spend their days trapped in a cycle like this. We find ourselves continually falling prey to envy, sexual sin, various types of addiction, and the like. Many are weary, downtrodden, and feel hopeless in their struggle with sin. They wonder deep down if they’ll ever be free. If that rings a bell, I have a truth for you today from God’s Word and it’s one that has changed my life as a Christian.

If you are in Christ, you are no longer a slave to sin.

Grace and Our Sin

If you claim to be a follower of Christ and yet your relationship to sin hasn’t changed, you may not be a true convert.…

This article was originally published at Whole Magazine as part of their Attributes of God series.

We spend our lives wondering, don’t we? “I wonder if I’ll get the job.” “I wonder if I’ll get married.” “I wonder why this is happening.“

It’s natural. We long for answers—for knowledge of things past, present, and future. In a world where Google is our nerdy best friend, we’re tempted to become frustrated by our lack of understanding, or worse, we might even become despairing. Our sinful nature causes us to long for the perfect knowledge that isn’t attainable for the human mind. But even if our “why’s and what if’s” go unanswered, we have a trustworthy God who holds the answers in his hands. 

God Knows All Things

Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord,
    or what man shows him his counsel?
Whom did he consult,
    and who made him understand?

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. (Psalm 56:3 ESV)

The sum of prayers whispered to heaven asking God to sustain our baby boy’s life are innumerable to my little mind. I can’t even begin to count them. It started from the moment I knew another child had taken root in my womb. Faithfully, my lips repeat it during every morning prayer, bathroom break, mealtime blessing, bedtime thanksgiving, and many moments in between. Many times, it’s followed by a heart that pleads, “I trust you, Lord. Help me trust you.”

The more his tiny body moves across my hand from within as if to say “hello mama,” the more I’m simultaneously confronted with two thoughts: 1. I love this little boy so much my heart could explode. 2. Oh, how it would hurt to lose him now.

Deep love + deep fear.

Pregnancy after losing three unborn babies for me has been filled with peace that truly surpasses understanding, but also fear that tries to wrap its arms around my heart.…