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God Sees the Woman Walking Through Infertility

God Sees the Woman Walking Through Infertility

I held the pregnancy test in my hand and examined it closely. Could there be a faint line? Oh Lord, please let there be a faint line. There wasn’t. It was negative. No baby had taken root in my womb and those supposed symptoms proved to be simply taunting me, giving me false hope that life had begun to flourish where I’d only seen it die.

The day before, my best friend had announced that she was finally pregnant. As I genuinely rejoiced over the little one in her womb, I took my place as the only woman in my church without living children. This negative pregnancy test nearly broke me.

Infertility

I tread lightly in taking upon myself the term “infertile.” Not because of the shame sometimes attached to it, but because there’s a different set of painful circumstances that a woman struggling to conceive faces. I don’t claim to understand that deep pain.…

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Wrestling By Faith

Wrestling By Faith

I’ve found wrestling with God to be a common occurrence in this season of life. My faith often feels frail as I hope each month for new life to begin in my womb, only to look upon a negative pregnancy test.

God continues to show me my utter lack of control over the conceiving and sustaining of life. He has so clearly derailed our plans as of late. From sickness to imprecise cycles, he’s slowly pulling my fingers back, one by one, from their death clutch on my fertility. I make my plans; he changes them, leaving me swimming in chaos, scanning the world for a way out or a quick fix to my problem. But the world’s answers return void every time.

A Burden That Isn’t Mine

It does feel chaotic to believe life is in my hands. When I begin to live life this way, I think things like…

If I make sure I don’t exercise too much…
If I drink less coffee…
If I take my progesterone at the perfect time…

then, maybe my body won’t fail me.…

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When God’s Calling is to Wait

When God’s Calling is to Wait

This article was originally written for Broken Beautiful Bold Ministries here.


“What is God’s calling on my life?”

Oh, the question every Christian seems to have been asking since the day they were converted. And to be honest, I’m not a huge fan of it.

We tend to view a “calling” as a passion God has placed in our heart. And while this is something God certainly does sometimes, he also calls us to hard things. Things we never wanted to do and possibly still don’t.

Some are called to singleness.
Some are called to infertility.
Some may be called to ongoing health issues.

And somehow, in his sovereignty, God uses both for the growth of his Kingdom. He uses the passion and the trial for his glory and our good. Neither have a bigger impact than the other.

Oftentimes, we think of a calling as something that will exalt us rather than the Kingdom.…

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The Pursuit of Happiness and Why Its Pursuers Aren’t Happy

The Pursuit of Happiness and Why Its Pursuers Aren’t Happy

It’s a vicious cycle, really. Climbing the “corporate ladder”, trying to get your foot in the door before anyone else. It’s even on display in the festivities of Black Friday, which seems to be a bigger “holiday” than Thanksgiving lately.

What’s behind the arguing and backstabbing we witness so frequently?

People striving for whatever they feel will make them happy in the moment.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (James 4:1-2a ESV)

Happiness Interference

We’ve all seen it before. A toddler whips a toy out the hand of their friend because it will make them happy.

A coworker makes up a rumor about their opponent in order to secure the promotion that seems to hold the key to their happiness.…

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God Will Use Your Brokenness

God Will Use Your Brokenness

This article was originally written for Broken Beautiful Bold Ministries here.


We are a broken people, am I right?

Each of us come from various backgrounds and upbringings that shape our character and struggles. We have been broken by others, broken by this world and are undeniably broken at the core of our being. For the Christian, we may have trouble reconciling with the “whys” of our heartbreaks.

Why did God allow that?
Why do I struggle against this sin?
Why won’t he just take this pain away?

I, myself, have wrestled (and sometimes still do) with these very questions. At times they have come from my lips in a humble request for understanding. But many times, my “why” has been spoken with tears on my cheeks and anger in my heart.

In my walk with the Lord, I have learned that he uses our brokenness in stunning ways.  He does this not only in our own life, but also in the lives of others and to show the world his Gospel story.…

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A Heart Prone to Discontentment

A Heart Prone to Discontentment

For 3 years, I have waited. Sometimes, I waited well. Other times…not so much. I’ve had dreams and desires for ministry that have gone unfulfilled and my heart has many times been frustrated. I wanted to devote time to writing and ministry. But I had to work. I wanted to be a homemaker and actually have time to clean our humble abode. But we needed my income. I felt as if I was in a never ending cycle of being still, becoming restless, which moved my heart to discontentment, and then back to humbly trusting the Lord and remaining still, yet again.

Today is the day I’ve anticipated for a long while. My heart is filled with excitement and uneasiness about the unknown, but mostly my heart is filled with joy. My Lord provided, in his time, in his way and in spite of my restless, struggling heart.

I start this new season with enough wisdom from the Lord to know that the excitement will indeed wear off.…

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