It seems, even before the first sprout sprang from the ground, indicating spring is near, my heart had already begun to dread what follows April showers. It’s not those beautiful flowers which May typically brings, nor is it the warmer weather I fear.
It’s Mother’s Day.
The day where churches worldwide will honor the visible mommas, the ones whose arms or wombs are filled. Many times, forgetting those whose wombs remain empty as they long for children they’ve either yet to receive, or have lost.
Before continuing, I want to state clearly that I truly believe mothers should be honored both on Mother’s Day and all other days. But as we celebrate the observable moms in our life, may we also reach out to the invisible ones and the childless women among us.
It was on this holiday that I first saw the faint line on a pregnancy test, so faint I dismissed it until testing again four days later.…
“But if you could choose, would you choose to be discontent until you receive a baby, or to trust God and never receive a baby?”
His question caused me to pause for thought, making me uncomfortable as it sliced through my self-deception. If God told me that trusting him meant I would never receive a child from my womb, would I still trust him? As much as I wish I could say a hearty “yes!” immediately sprang from my tongue, it would be a lie.
He continued, “Because, in the end, none of this will matter, except that we trusted him.”
The Gift or the Giver
My husband is right. In eternity, what will matter most is not the gifts we received, but how much we trusted the Giver. Did we treasure earthly things more than the true Treasure? Did we submit our lives to our idolized desires or to the King of Kings?…
I held the pregnancy test in my hand and examined it closely. Could there be a faint line? Oh Lord, please let there be a faint line. There wasn’t. It was negative. No baby had taken root in my womb and those supposed symptoms proved to be simply taunting me, giving me false hope that life had begun to flourish where I’d only seen it die.
The day before, my best friend had announced that she was finally pregnant. As I genuinely rejoiced over the little one in her womb, I took my place as the only woman in my church without living children. This negative pregnancy test nearly broke me.
I tread lightly in taking upon myself the term “infertile.” Not because of the shame sometimes attached to it, but because there’s a different set of painful circumstances that a woman struggling to conceive faces. I don’t claim to understand that deep pain.…
I’ve found wrestling with God to be a common occurrence in this season of life. My faith often feels frail as I hope each month for new life to begin in my womb, only to look upon a negative pregnancy test.
God continues to show me my utter lack of control over the conceiving and sustaining of life. He has so clearly derailed our plans as of late. From sickness to imprecise cycles, he’s slowly pulling my fingers back, one by one, from their death clutch on my fertility. I make my plans; he changes them, leaving me swimming in chaos, scanning the world for a way out or a quick fix to my problem. But the world’s answers return void every time.
A Burden That Isn’t Mine
It does feel chaotic to believe life is in my hands. When I begin to live life this way, I think things like…
If I make sure I don’t exercise too much…
If I drink less coffee…
If I take my progesterone at the perfect time…
Christian liberties remain a popular topic among Christ followers no matter what side of the spectrum one lands on. One person believes it’s okay to drink wine, while another thinks it’s wrong. I’m not here to discuss alcohol or the Sabbath, but rather to ask this question: Are we too liberal with our Christian liberties?
Our past experiences shape us. For some, they’re left with a conviction not founded by Scripture, while others don’t feel an ounce of conviction regarding the very same act. We find both of these types of believers in Romans 14, as well as a call to each of them: Do not pass judgment; do not cause another to stumble.
As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions…One person esteems one day as better than another, while anotheresteemsalldaysalike. Eachone should be fully convinced in his own mind.
When I was 23, I was working a part time job, when one day on my break a fire inside my heart was kindled. I wanted to encourage my friends and fellow church ladies. I was well aware that each of us were walking different roads, and many of the women on my text list were much wiser, but I knew we all could benefit from reading scripture. Thus, I began my search for nuggets of truth in my quiet time to send off to be refined by God in the hearts of whomever he chose. To me, it was nothing more than sharing my heart with the women who were dearest to me.
One day, a friend wrote back, “Brittany, have you ever thought about becoming a writer?” I thought to myself, “Ha! I’m terrible at writing!”
Flash forward a couple years. I was studying Romans, and my heart burned to share the amazing things God was showing me.…