Brittany Lee Allen

In the wee hours of the morning I gazed with tear stained eyes at the ring on my little finger. I was shocked but at the same time had known all along it would play out that way. He had broken up with me so many times I'd lost count. I don't know why I thought it would be different once marriage was on the table but I wanted to believe it would be. Pain gripped my heart as memories flooded my mind of saying yes to the dress and flipping through bridal magazines. Plans were made and a date was set.

My Broken Engagement Was God’s Greatest Gift To Me

In the wee hours of the morning I gazed with tear stained eyes at the ring on my little finger. I was shocked but at the same time had known all along it would play out that way. He had broken up with me so many times I’d lost count. I don’t know why I thought it would be different once marriage was on the table but I wanted to believe it would be. Pain gripped my heart as memories flooded my mind of saying yes to the dress and flipping through bridal magazines. Plans were made and a date was set.

Carried On

However pathetic, I begged him to change his mind as we spoke over the phone past midnight. After he’d dropped such a bomb on my heart I couldn’t let him hang up. “Please don’t hang up. This hurts so bad. How could you do this to me?!” I wanted him to feel an ounce of pity. Pity for the last year and a half he put me through. For the cheating and broken promises. But I received none. My heart continued to shatter with each word he said. By the time he hung up I was so consumed with heartache my will to live was dwindling away.

By God’s grace I fell asleep that night. I remember the moment clearly as my head laid on the pillow. The tears slowly dried as I finally felt the Lord’s peace calm my mind giving me a chance to forget the nightmare I was living. Morning came and as I opened my eyes I felt the crippling pain of reality wring out every bit of strength in my body. I needed to go to work but I couldn’t move. I will never forget what happened next. I got up. I got ready. And I went to work. Numerous times throughout the day I asked myself “How am I doing this?” as I smiled and assisted customers. I can’t find the words to help you understand what happened that day. All I know is I am 100% certain that the Lord himself carried me through. I didn’t muster strength up, he didn’t just give me a push. His grace poured over me like a wave that carried me to shore.

Idols and Heart Wars

Since 16, I had never been the girl who stayed single for very long. Always trying to fill the void, I’d jump into a new relationship almost immediately. But now, I was a new Christian and I knew those days were behind me. What I didn’t know was how to be alone nor could I stand the thought of it. I believed I needed a man in order to be happy or to feel I had any worth.

Over the course of about 2 1/2 years the Lord took me on a journey of deep healing. Healing I didn’t even know I needed. When God allows something painful in your life you can be sure he will use it to sanctify and grow you closer to him. You see, I had a much deeper issue in my heart than just the wounds caused by this broken engagement. Those wounds were obvious. But hidden under the surface was the infection which was the real cause of my pain. God was not sitting on the throne of my heart, my ex fiance was. There was a war for my heart and God was jealous over my attention.

For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. (Deuteronomy 4:24 ESV)

For years I was blinded to the fact that I idolized men. I worshiped how they made me feel, the attention they gave me, the comfort they sometimes provided. This is why I found myself walking the road of promiscuity. Because it was there that I found all that my sinful heart craved. I was a broken girl who often felt rejected by my Father so I searched for acceptance by sacrificing my purity on the alter of boys.

It only took a couple weeks without my ex fiancé in my life before the veil was lifted. I could see clearly the control I allowed him to have over me. Likewise, it only took a couple weeks for him to beg on his knees for me to take him back. But by then God had already begun to break the chains of bondage I had clung so tightly to. And with each text, call or pop up at my door everything became more and more clear. I still to this day praise the Lord for ripping that man from my arms! Though I felt tremendous pain for many months, it was the best thing that could have ever happened. Our Lord always knows best. We can trust him in every circumstance.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV)

Allowing God To Become My All

Clearing my heart of this idol was a process. There was pressing temptation to fall into old sin. There was deep sorrow as I watched the man who broke me, marry before me. There were nights of crying alone on my bed praying these words “Please bring me a husband. I’m so lonely. My heart hurts so bad.” God was faithful through it all to remind me what I needed was not a husband, but himself instead. He is the only one who can mend a broken heart (Psalm 147:3) and truly satisfy and provide for our every need.

I’ll always remember the moment I truly felt freed from the heartache I had endured. I was in my apartment on a Friday night studying my bible…and I was okay with it. Actually, there was no place and no one I would have rather spent my Friday with. I was alone physically but very aware of God’s presence and he was enough. Contentment, a word I was not fond of, had settled upon my heart. I never believed it was possible to be happy and content in a period of singleness. But God had done a miraculous work in me.

Happily Ever After

My “happy ending” was not that I found a husband. My “happy ending” was finding everything I needed in Christ and Christ alone. He became my souls greatest desire and that brought more freedom than I had ever dreamed.

“My ‘happy ending’ was not that I found a husband. My ‘happy ending’ was finding everything I needed in Christ and Christ alone.”

For the sake of those who are curious, yes, God did bring a Husband my direction. A wonderful, godly man who loves me so well. But as amazing as it is to be married, I will always miss the beauty of my season of singleness where all my affection went to the Lord.

I’m beyond thankful for what God taught me and how he molded me during that season. Had he not pointed out the false refuge in my life, I would not be the wife I am today. I would still believe men are the answer to all my problems. Many women do believe they need a man to be happy and when their husband fails them they look elsewhere. I have no doubt that I would have become one of those poor women, deceived into thinking I needed to marry a different man to find happiness. But God was merciful to bring to the surface sin I was unaware of. He has saved me from much heartache by allowing my heart to ache so that he could change me. That’s why my broken engagement was God’s best gift to me. He is faithful. He is good.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
 for his steadfast love endures forever. (Psalm 136:1 ESV)

30 Responses

  1. Oh, bless your heart! I can just feel how much that must of hurt. I know how hard it is to have a broken heart. It’s so amazing to have God fill that space though. It took me a LONG time to realize that Jesus was the man I had been waiting for, who would love me unconditionally and fulfill all those needs but He was well worth the heartbreak! I understand why He called Himself “The Bridegroom”. I hope this encourages single ladies or the brokenhearted to hold fast to the promises of God and fall in love with Him 🙂

    1. Yes! That is my hope as well! That he’d draw women to himself and let them know he is all they need! Thanks for reading!

  2. My own heartbreak came at the age of 16. I have continued to learn from it to this day. It was a blessing. It led me to the love of my life. I see now that God was preparing me to recognize the one He planned for me all along. We will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary next month. But the break-up led me to the Lord and showed me His sufficiencey.

    1. 40 years! That’s amazing! Thanks for sharing part of your story. God is so good to draw us to himself even in painful circumstances! <3

  3. Isn’t it beautiful when we look back and can see God’s work in every hurt? I’ve been through heartache (as most of us have) and I can truly say that I’m so grateful for each moment. God used those experience to teach me so much! Thank you for the bravery and honesty of these words.

  4. I had to go through this too. It happened right at the moment I was studying the Bible but if he had not broken up with me, I would have followed him instead of God. I, too, am so thankful.

    And I’m thankful you are free – that you got the strength to say no when he tried to come crawling back.

    1. Thank you for reading! He is good to teach us hard lessons in order that we may love him more!

  5. Your story is exactly what has happened to me. As I read it I was weeping, it was if someone put word’s and experience onto paper. Although my circumstances are slightly different, I’m a divorced woman with 3 children. The relationship between my ex fiancé and I and the engagement was just as relevant. The cheating and constant break ups also existed. What got me the most is that I feel God is doing the same thing in me as he did with you. Thank you so much for sharing this.

    1. Mel, I feel for you and am praying even now for your broken heart. How gracious is the Lord to draw you closer to him! He is more than enough to meet all your needs and satisfy every longing of your heart. May you be encouraged to cling to him today! He is near to the broken hearted. He is near to YOU! <3

  6. Beautiful! I am thankful that God allows us to be broken hearted over something that wasn’t meant to last so that He can bring us what TRULY was meant to last 🙂 Thanks for your vulnerability! Love your blog!

  7. wow!!! These words!!! So many women need to read these words! Thank you for your openness, honesty, and vulnerability. You poured your heart out in this post and it shows. You definitely touched mine! Beautifully written.

    1. That is what I long for the Lord to do through my writing! Thank you for your kind words and I’m so thankful he used it to bless you!

  8. Thank you for sharing your story! I’m currently heartbroken over the ending of a relationship that I know deep down inside was not God’s best for me. I’m praying that God heals my broken heart. Your story really encourages me.

    1. I’m so encouraged to hear that. God will certainly heal your heart by giving you more of himself.

  9. I needed this I too was involved with someone who treated me badly and spoke to me in cruel ways after praying through it every step of the way God made it clear he was not my future husband I know it and now I’m one of the statistics a 31 year old Christian women unmarried whilst he got married and has a child I will be honest I hate that thought because I feel I should have been married before him as he hasn’t changed still a meanie.

    However God is teaching me to trust him which has been a struggle and still is some days, I tried to avoid being the Christian single at 30 let alone 31 or 32 but all I can do is pray, pray for where I’m going wrong, pray for God to susutain me through this exciting yet horrible time of babies popping up all around me feels like I’m being teased and tormented sometimes, please pray for me sometimes it feels like I’m cursed and if I wasn’t a Christian I’d be married at 25, that thought is a hard pill to swallow.

  10. This is beautiful and gives me much encouragement in the season that I am in. I was with a man who loved me like crazy but also was crazy insecure…which brought out some really, really ugly behaviors in me. We planned to marry-even went ring shopping, but like your story and others here, after months of him breaking up with me and getting back together…the engagement never happened. I’m grieving over the loss of him-I truly thought God had sent him to me and I’m so sad and so angry that I won’t get a second chance, now knowing what the Lord has called me to be as a Christian woman. The Lord has told me in so many ways he needs me to lay my desire to be with a man and get married at His alter, to completely surrender…but it’s just so hard. I am staying hopeful in His promises that his plans for my life are good and that when my heart is right…he will bring that right man to me and it will be more than I ever wished for.

    Thank you for this encouragement…it is so nice to hear I am not alone.

  11. I recently broke up with my fiance of 9 months. We have been off and on for years, but this time we thought this would stick. We lived together, we made mistakes, we started to build a life together. But our relationship was always laced with anxiety and stress. The moments of doubt and anxiety outweighed the moments of joy. I am very disappointed in myself, in my ex, in this situation, and in God. Thank you for the encouraging words. This does help. Its very wonderful to know I am not alone in this pain.

  12. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. I can feel the sadness. My fiancé broke off our engagement two weeks ago and 2 months before that my father passed. I have been filled with sadness and pain. I know that Lord and Savior only gives us what we can handle. He has a reason for everything. Thank you for sharing.. I cried happy tears because your testimony made me hopeful

  13. Hours after my ex-Fiance called our engagement off, I came across your blog and it has given me hope. I’ve had been with my ex for 11 years (2 years engaged) and we had JUST booked our venue and about 2 months ago bought our first home. Our relationship has always been rocky but we pushed through. I am so heartbroken and lost. At 30 years old, I do not know what my life is anymore and I feel like a failure. I found comfort knowing that there are other women that have gone through this and have survived. Right now my focus is on God and praying that he has a better plan for my life. I read your story daily to help me get through this terrible time in my life. God bless! And please pray for all of us that are going through this in life right now.

  14. Hi beautiful your story amazed me! I recently just ended my engagement to my ex fiancé just wasn’t the one. I was constantly fighting and searching to be validated in him the whole time and was giving him everything of me even praying for him through our relationship. He was an unbeliever and now that I’ve left the relationship I truly believe you cannot be unequally yoked with an unbeliever or be united with a man who doesn’t love Jesus. I struggled for so long emotionally mentally and spiritually throughout my relationship. I thought that being a believer of Jesus will help me save and Look over my ex fiancé, but I was wrong. I was convicting my heart everytime over and over again being cheated on by him, lied to and then the painful trauma of living with that feeling. I just knew God has someone out there who will love me the way I deserve and will help me Love Jesus even more together as one flesh. Now I’m just focusing on loving God reading his words daily and soaking up my heart in hi will for my life. Just keeping busy and trying to let go and Let God do His will and for me to trust his Plan for me ; Thank you for giving me the courage by sharing your story ????❤️ God will always transform us from our heart into something amazing! I feel so much happier now that I’m waking with God with no distractions or hurt ; I pray for God to forgive my relationship and Him for all we went through God bless you All there’s nothing too Great for God! You are worthy ; He calls you by your name ????????????❤️ I’m so happy you found happiness! Much love always All the way from Australia ❤️

  15. I cancelled my engagement/wedding plans for similar reasons. There was not anything terrible about him, but I knew deep down that he was not God’s best for me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t handle the pain of wondering if I would always regret not choosing to be with him, so we ended up getting married after all. I wish I had stumbled upon this post when I was trying to make that decision.
    I am so thankful for God’s mercy and grace. I’ve seen Him do beautiful things in our relationship over the years. (Well, we’ve only been married for 3 years)
    I am sad however that it feels like we skipped the “romantic”, “butterflies” stage in our relationship. I know those things are not the foundation of a good marriage, but I would have really enjoyed that in the beginning.
    Thank you for writing this beautiful post. I know it will help many other women in the future who are going through similar circumstances! 🙂

  16. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m in the midst of this today. My heart is broken. I had put my ex-fiancé in the place where God belongs. I knew it was happening in a way, but I felt powerless to stop it. God closed the door and closed it hard about 2.5 months ago. I am back in His loving arms with God first in my life. I still cry most days, and the loneliness is palpable, especially being isolated because I work from home, but I know God has a plan for me and that in His perfect time, He will send a husband who is ordained to love me and I him. Thank you so much. You’ve given me hope and encouragement.

  17. Brittany, thank you so much for your post! I found it by searching “how can Christian women get over a broken engagement?” I relate to you. After 2.8 y. of dating followed by being engaged for 6 months, I walked away. As the result and as a forewarning, he broke up with me, he immediately jumped into a rebound relationship that lasted for him 9 m – she left him. I regret leaving, but he acted as if it was the best thing that happened to him, and was expressing himself out of spite. I had a ring and a dress, but not a date because he did not trust me. He told me he wants us to get married when we reach a high point in our relationship. That made me feel as if his love was conditional and I wasn’t enough. It’s been 20 m and I am not well. I have anxiety, sleepless nights, depression, fears, and hopelessness. My nervous system is exhausted and spiritually feels likewise. Thank you for pointing this out to the Lord. I have a long way to go to learn how to be at peace on my own. God Bless you and your family. You are a conqueror! I will be too! 🙂

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