If we have sex we will not get married.
That’s what we told ourselves.
This isn’t the case for everyone. Many couples have fallen into sin, repented and are happily married. But we knew that wouldn’t be the case for us. Like most Christians, we wanted so badly to honor God with our dating and engagement stage. My Husband came from a Christian home and had remained physically pure the entire 27 years of his life before we married. I, on the other hand, had done the exact opposite until the Lord captured my heart when I was 21.
Even coming from such contrasting backgrounds, we both were so very aware of the destruction premarital sex reaps. He, from God’s word and, I, from experience. To be clear, I am speaking of all types of sex, not just the main event. (Can’t believe I just wrote that. Awkward…)
What’s the Big Deal?
Sex is an amazing and even holy thing. It is one of God’s most beautiful gifts to his children. But like all of his good gifts, we humans don’t handle it correctly.
Sex in marriage is like a fire in a fireplace. When the fire remains in it’s proper context, it is comforting, brings joy and is completely safe. However, if the fire gets out of that fireplace and into the common room, the home you’ve loved and known turns to dirty ashes more quickly than you can think. You may put out the fire before it completely ravishes the whole house, but there will still be an enormous amount of damage.
Sex, when taken out of the context God made it for, is like that house fire. If caught quickly, the damage is repairable through God’s grace, but not without much loss. I praise the Lord for his grace that has restored and repaired my heart after I had allowed such a wildfire to take over my life for so many years. I am also thankful that the Lord promises to use my past to help others, but boy do I wish I could have bypassed the consequences of my sin. I experienced many losses and friends, I surely don’t want that for you.
We have to start taking God at his word and stop toying with sexual sin.
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV)
Notice Paul doesn’t say, “Get as close to crossing the line as possible.” No, he says flee. Not, make out on the couch, or spend time alone on your bed but, flee.
Love Each Other More
The verse above speaks about committing sin against your own body but when you allow yourself to commit sexual sin before marriage, you are also hurting another person. You are dragging your brother in Christ into sin and creating a wide gap in his heart toward God. Our Savior takes this so very seriously.
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.” (Mark 9:42 ESV)
Ouch. That’s quite a warning for us to heed! If you are causing your boyfriend to sin, you are not loving him. What you do love is your selfish desires. The same goes for him if he is tempting you to sin. (Honestly, the harsh part of me screams “Dump that boy, girl!” if that’s the case.)
Jim and I knew that our trust would be broken and the truth would be revealed that we loved our sin more than each other if we had sex before marriage.
For us, the stakes were too high.
The loss wasn’t worth it.
Love God More
Furthermore, we should love the Lord more than our sexual desires. The point of striving for purity is not just some personal goal. Rather, true purity arises in the heart of the Christian who longs to love God with every aspect of their being: body, soul and mind. If we truly put him first, we will want to follow his will for sex in our lives. We will, by his power through the Holy Spirit, be able to wait and abstain for as long as he asks us. He is good and doesn’t withhold good gifts from his daughters. If you are not married, trust that God knows this isn’t the right season for a husband and all that entails.
I know this is hard. Oh, how I know. But we have to trust him. He is good. He is faithful and he is for you.
Make him your all. Place him above your boyfriend, sexual desires and self. He is worthy of first place.
When you love God fully, you will love his will for your life. You will want what he wants and your desires will align to his. Trust him.
Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:3-4 ESV)
Brittany, this is such a needed post for the church right now. I’ve been married seventeen years and I realize more and more how holy our marriage and our intimacy is! Thank you for sharing these words and scriptures.
I agree. Thank you for reading!
This is so rich and I love “sex in marriage is like fire in the fire place!”..If only more young people could read this and really take it all in..such important and wise words here.
That’s my goal: That God would use my story and writing in young women’s lives. I so wish I would have had women seeking after my heart earlier on.
Wonderfully written! Such a difficult topic but so needed by single Christian women. I will be sharing.
Thank you for reading and sharing, friend!
Very good Brittany. I really believe God is calling his people to a deeper level of purity. Not just purity before marriage but also purity in marriage.
God does redeem and restore. That being said I agree with you. Not engaging in sexual sin is more loving to God, our partner and ourselves. Well done on being so honest