There are men other than my Husband who know me deeply. They know about my childhood, my struggles and dreams. I wish I could say I’m talking about my Dad and another Father figure but unfortunately, that isn’t the case. They were my previous boyfriends.
As a teen, I was on a long search to be known. I craved it like Chipotle or ice cream. I needed to be known, to be understood. So, I was pretty much an open book begging to be read by any boy who showed interest. Oh please, let me tell you about all the ways I have been hurt in my life! It made me feel close to them–even if we weren’t physically close.
The problem is, my ex-boyfriends were never meant to have those pieces of my mind. I was never meant to be deeply known by those men. I should have reserved those deeper hurts and fears for my Husband alone (Lucky him!). While he does know me more intimately and deeply than anyone ever has, there are still others who know information about me that isn’t their business and I only have myself to blame for that.
Look, I know it is a natural feeling to want a relationship to deepen, but it is wise to wait until marriage is truly on the table to open up about hurts, regrets, fears and struggles you’ve faced. Those topics automatically cause you to feel more connected to each other and this could be a problem for a couple of reasons.
Not For Keeps
I know you probably feel like he’s the one and surely you’ll get married so it’s not a big deal. Well, I thought that two different times and was dead wrong. So, until you walk down that aisle you truly don’t know if he’s your future hubby.
If you’re wrong, you may find yourself even more brokenhearted if it doesn’t work out, than you would if you had been cautious about what you shared. You’ll have a harder time letting go of the relationship, and getting over him. You have to remember, until you are engaged or even married, the man you’re dating may not be for keeps.
If he’s not yours for keeps, he’s someone else’s. And his mind should be filled with knowledge of her, not you. Furthermore, don’t rob yourself or your future husband of the joy of being deeply known by only him. It is one of my greatest joys that there is no one who knows my man like I do. I’m beyond thankful for that.
One Step Closer
This step of knowing each other more naturally leads to the next step. The more you grow as a couple in your knowledge of each other, the harder it is to resist being physical. If you’re in your twenties and ready to marry whenever you please, then you can just get married and that takes care of that. If you’re 16, however, this presents a dilemma. You are too young to get married, and you desire a closeness that was created to be experienced only in marriage. Put on the brakes, girl! There is danger ahead. This is why it’s so important to use caution.
You have no idea how easily sharing your mind and heart can lead to sharing your body.
Take it from me, friend. It happens quickly.
If you want to honor God with your relationship, you must be so very careful.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. (Song of Solomon 8:4 ESV)
Don’t take steps toward intimacy before the time is right. It will either leave you very frustrated from stirring up desires before an appropriate time, or leave you deeply sorrowful from giving in to temptation. Neither of these scenarios are healthy in a godly relationship.
Realistically, we most definitely have to share plenty of information with potential spouses in order to discover if marriage is a place we’re headed. But we have to use wisdom. Until marriage is a common goal, it may be wise to withhold deeper issues from your conversations.
This is hard. I know the draw to be known and loved is so strong, especially in those teenage years. I’ve been where you stand. I didn’t heed wisdom and because of that I experienced immense heartache.
I know some of you may be absolutely frustrated with this article. That’s okay. You don’t have to agree with me. I’m just a gal, who has made many mistakes and learned many lessons along the way, sharing her heart in hopes God would use it to protect more of his daughters.