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A Product of His Grace

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How I Battled Lust as a Single Woman


How I Battled Lust as a Single Woman

I haven’t shied away from sharing my failures before Christ saved me and even after. Not in a spirit of boasting but rather in humility, recognizing where I came from. If you’ve been around me for long, you probably know I was held captive to lust and sexual immorality for many years. By God’s grace many of my struggles with sexual sin ended quickly once he placed a new heart in my chest. But there was one besetting sin which seemed so very impossible to conquer.

Lust.

Even as a brand new Christian, I caught on to the fact that this wasn’t something you talk about. At least, that’s the impression I got.

I felt hopeless.
I felt disgusting.
I felt alone.

For many months, I believed the only reason I struggled was because of my promiscuous past. As I journeyed in the faith and began speaking with other women about the issue of lust, I realized I was mistaken. I truly believe nearly all women have wrestled or currently wrestle with lust, porn and all that comes with it. Even women who are happily married.

Thankfully, God didn’t allow this sin to overtake me. I know that it’s only by his grace that I was able to have victory in this area.

I wanted to share some truths he revealed to me and practical steps you can take to have victory over lust.

Take Responsibility

Lust isn’t just a single girl’s problem. It’s an every girl’s problem. Ladies, don’t believe the lie that if you just had a husband all would be well and the draw to sexual sin would be gone.

I believed this for months. I begged the Lord for a husband because I thought marriage would cure my lust issue. Guys, that is just not true. And when we believe this, we are saying to God that he has not given us all we need to obey him. Scripture reveals our faulty thinking.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, (2 Peter 1:3 ESV)

Furthermore, when we believe marriage will heal our craving for lust, we are accusing God for not providing us with a husband. Said more bluntly, we are blaming God for our sin instead of recognizing that it is our hearts that need changed, not our marital status. God cannot sin.

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:13-15 ESV)

In order to have victory over lust, we must take responsibility for our sin. If we don’t, we will not be able to overcome.

Many married women continued to believe a husband would fix them and have since found out they were wrong.

Know the Truth About Lust

Lust is one of those sins that we secretly believe we can’t beat. It’s draw is strong and it’s lies are sweet to the ears. But any pleasure found in it for a moment, quickly turns sour.

Paul has a lot to say about Christians allowing sin to rule their hearts. And lust is just that..a sin. Nothing bigger, nothing smaller. While sin is a big deal and has the capacity to ruin us, the born again believer has a choice.

You don’t have to sin. Whether the temptation is to lie or to give into sexual sin, you can say no by God’s grace. Read these words slowly and carefully. I don’t want you to miss this:

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. (Romans 6:6 ESV)

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (Romans 6:12-14 ESV)

Do you see the freedom in that, friends? I don’t know if there’s another passage in scripture that draws a bigger “AMEN!” from this girl’s heart! I encourage you to read the whole chapter.

If we are no longer slaves to sin, then we can kill lust. Even when you don’t feel like it, you need to believe the truth that you have a choice.

How I Battled Lust as a Single Woman | Godsmyhealer Blog

Flee

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV)

To flee is to bolt or dash. It’s to run away from danger. Sexual sin is dangerous.

When I was tempted, I fled by leaving my home. I would go to a store or a coffee shop. I would call a friend and try to make plans. Anything to keep myself busy until the temptation passed.

Here are some other things you could do:

Go for a run.
Call someone.
Go shopping for gifts for friends just because you love them.
Make your friends something.

There are so many options.

Use God’s Word

Often times, the temptation floods in at night when all is quiet and the stores are closed. You can still get up (even in the middle of the night) and do dishes or clean a room to redirect your mind. Lack of sleep is better than giving into temptation.

The main thing that helped me was reading God’s word. I know, I know. It’s the last thing you want to do when you feel sinful, but it’s what you need. Force yourself to focus in on a book of the bible and pray fervently for help to abstain until the desire to sin passes. Do not allow yourself to wallow in guilt…that’s where Satan wants you. If he can keep you there, you’re more likely to give in.

Sexual desire is a good thing. It is necessary for marriage. Don’t wish it away, but instead ask God to help you control it and bring it under obedience to him. Remember, you can choose to obey, even in this.

It might seem difficult, but with each step toward victory, temptation has less power. Keep your bible on our lap and your mind fixed on the Lord and he will give you grace to fight. He’s not aloof in your struggle. Draw near to him and he will bless you for your obedience.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16 ESV)

Tell Someone

Unfortunately, during my months of fighting lust, I didn’t tell anyone. I thought I was the only one who faced this, and that’s a dangerous place to be.

I encourage you to tell someone if you’re struggling. Opening up to a godly friend who cares for your well-being and walk with the Lord can be just the push you need to overcome lust. It provides accountability and shines a light on the darkness of sin making it less attractive.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16 ESV)

Don’t try to go it alone, friend.

Lust is not impossible to beat. It is not outside of God’s power and his power lives in you, if you are his.

and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, (Ephesians 1:19-20 ESV)

So choose to fight today. Because you can say no to temptation.

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17 comments


  • Such good insight. I really appreciate writers who share from their gut and get raw. That’s when you (and me) reach the most people. Blessings to you, sister!


  • Curious

    I am also a married woman, and I want to know more about your opinion on lust in a marriage. I feel like you alluded that sexual desire for your husband can also be lustful, and I’m not sure how that can be. Could you better define safe sexual desire vs. lust within the frame of a marriage?


    • Brittany Allen

      Thanks for reading and asking this question! I was definitely not trying to say that sexual desire in marriage is a bad thing. Which is why I wrote this:

      “Sexual desire is a good thing. It is necessary for marriage. Don’t wish it away, but instead ask God to help you control it and bring it under obedience to him. Remember, you can choose to obey, even in this.”

      It is a great thing to have sexual desire for your husband and to even think about him sexually. This article was intended to point out truths and give hope to both married and single women who are struggling in other ways (i.e. porn, masturbation). Many women think their draw to this type of sin will go away once they’re married and yet that isn’t the case. I’m very sorry for the confusion and hope this clears things up!


      • Curious

        Oh, I see. I didn’t realize you meant viewing porn and/or masturbatory sessions, specifically. What do you mean by “necessary for marriage”? As in, to make children? I asked my question because the part you quoted is actually one of the things that confused me. You said sexual desire is necessary then that it should not be wished away, but tempered. In what way do you mean to control your sexual desire for your husband? And how is that obeying the Lord? Or is that not what you mean?
        Thanks for responding. I am not trying to be argumentative at all, I just want to create a dialogue. I appreciate your time.


        • Brittany Allen

          I was trying to be discreet for the sake of possible younger audiences who may read my blog. Although, I did mention “Porn and all that comes with it”. I apologize that it wasn’t clear. I’m not positive as to what you’re trying to ask as a whole but will try to tackle your questions.

          I believe that we were all created with sexual desires but that they are not something to be acted on outside of the context of marriage. This means we are to abstain from all God deems as sexual immorality which includes what we’re talking about here and of course all other forms of sex outside of marriage. I also believe this includes looking at men with lust who are not our husbands since Jesus calls this adultery of the heart in Matthew 5:27-28. I was stating that until we are married we need to bring our sexual desire under obedience to God by not acting on these things. (And I would also state that married women and men should not take part in porn or masturbation either. Both of these are selfish activities.) We are obeying the Lord by not giving into the many temptations of lust. I said it was necessary because many women wish they didn’t have the sexual desires we were created with but if they ever do want to get married they are important aspects of it for yes, child bearing but also because it’s a beautiful aspect of the covenant of marriage. I hope this answers you questions. I encourage you to read it again and hope it will make more sense. Thanks!



    • Curious, I get the confusion between lust and marital desire. I wrote an article about the destructive games we can play in our minds—married or single. I hope it helps clear things up a little. http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2016/09/break-up-with-your-imaginary-boyfriend/



  • Thank you for opening up on a hard topic that thrives so much in the dark. I love the rock solid Biblical truths shared and the coinciding hope-filled promises. SO GOOD!



  • Thank you for your transparency. This is certainly a topic we don’t talk about much, and the enemy uses that secrecy to shame us and defeat us. You are a truth-telling champion, my friend!


    • Brittany Allen

      Totally agree. Satan wants it to be secret because he knows when light is shone on darkness it is exposed and freedom can be grasped. Thank you for reading!


  • felly

    Thanks for this. It was really nice of you and very encouraging. Especially on how to handle lust.


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