One thing that drives me nuts is the idea that real manhood equals a life of hunting, driving big trucks, and owning multiple guns.
Mostly, because I look around and see many men who just aren’t wired that way. Some men care more about computers and would rather sleep in a comfy bed than in a tent. Just like women aren’t all interested in pretty dresses and Anne of Green Gables, men shouldn’t be considered “manly” by their hobbies and interests.
And just as scripture should inform our minds about biblical womanhood, motherhood and the like, we must allow scripture to teach us what true manhood is as well.
So, on behalf of my single girls, I decided to look to the Creator of men to find what is true manhood as he designed and the true characteristics you should be looking for in a potential husband.
1. He loves sacrificially.
A godly man loves sacrificially. He prefers others needs above his own, especially those of his wife. He mimics Christ’s love for the church imperfectly, but pursues it nonetheless. He nourishes and cherishes his wife both spiritually and physically.
He works to cultivate a servant’s heart in ministry and is willing to help those in need.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:25, 28-30 ESV)
2. He provides for his family.
Godly men seek provision for the needs of their family. He has a job or is seeking employment(in the case of job loss) to provide food, shelter etc. He is willing to be humble in submitting to jobs he doesn’t enjoy if it feeds his wife and children.
He is also wise with finances. He looks to the future and seeks God’s wisdom on saving and giving. He’s a giver of the blessings God has given him.
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8 ESV)
One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. (Proverbs 11:24 ESV)
3. He shows his love for God in his pursuit of knowing him more through studying the Word.
He doesn’t have to be in seminary, but godly men love God and they love his Word. They want to know him and love him more.
They know they need the nourishment of the Word in order to live a life honoring to the Lord.
This is not to say that they spend 1 hour a day every day studying. But are they opening the bible to seek him on a daily/weekly basis? Do they look to God’s Word to find wisdom on life issues? Are they interested in learning and growing in Christ?
If not, they may not be pursuing God and that’s a dangerous component to bring into a marriage.
Blessed are you, O LORD;
teach me your statutes!
With my lips I declare
all the rules of your mouth.
In the way of your testimonies I delight
as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts
and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes;
I will not forget your word. (Psalm 119:12-16 ESV)
Look for a man who delights in God’s Word and has made himself a student of it.
4. He protects his own purity and that of the woman he loves.
A man who truly loves God and loves you will not allow his own purity or yours to be destroyed. He will fight against temptation and strive to make wise choices to keep boundaries in place. He has self-control.
This is not saying it isn’t a struggle, but he honors God and you more, which allows him to keep the biblical perspective when the pressure is on. He turns away. He covers his eyes. He flees.
A man who protects the purity of your relationship before marriage, will do so in marriage as well. If the guy you’re dating can’t control his sexual desires now, what makes you think he’ll have more control once married?
Godly men strive to live out their sexuality as God designed.
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV)
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. (Ephesians 5:25-28a ESV)
How does a man keep his way (and his wife’s way) pure? (Psalm 119:9a).
- By guarding it according to God’s Word. (Psalm 119:9b).
- By seeking God with his whole heart. (Psalm 119:10a).
- Striving to not wander from God’s commandments. (Psalm 119:10b).
- Storing God’s Word in his heart. (Psalm 119:11).
A godly man pursues these things to keep his way pure and also comes along side the woman he loves to guard her heart, encourage her to seek the Lord, lead her to stay on the path that leads to righteousness, and help her store God’s Word in her heart. He partners with Christ to help her become the godly woman she is made to be.
Ladies, you need to marry a man who cares about purity.
5. He understands forgiveness and redemption.
I’m not sure if there is anything that breaks my heart more than a person who hasn’t fully grasped redemption. A man who shames you for your past mistakes is not a godly man who truly understands the grace of God. And that’s heart breaking, because this means he is blind to the gravity of his own sin before a holy God. Without the knowledge of our total depravity as humans, we cannot fully comprehend the glorious grace which has been placed upon us. And following that logic, we scarcely find it easy to offer the same grace to those who have traveled a darker path.
Look for a man who humbly recognizes the amazing grace he has received from a good God. This man will look at you (even upon knowing the sin in your past) and see Christ in you.
A godly man recognizes that his standing before God is in no way greater than anyone else. He knows that it is by God’s grace alone that he stands at all. He understands forgiveness redemption.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace. (Ephesians 1:7 ESV)
6. He loves God more than he loves you.
As women, we are prone to want our man to have a mind filled with thoughts about us. It traces all the way back to the fall when our Mother Eve took the fruit. But truly, we should want the man we love to be so in awe of God that nothing fills his mind more, including us.
That hurts our pride and desire to be all a man wants, but we need a man who doesn’t put us on a throne meant only for the Lord of his life. Marry a guy who loves you fiercely but loves God even more.
You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3 ESV)
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37 ESV)
Don’t Settle
What have you been looking for in a husband? When I was single, God shifted my view of what a godly man is according to scripture. The more my mind was renewed by his Word, the less attracted I was to outside characteristics and the more I desired a man whose heart was focused on God.
No man is perfect. All humans are flawed. But is he pursuing growth in these areas of his life? Is there a desire for change and Christ-likeness?
Don’t settle for less than what God shows in his Word. There are men out there who model these very things. (I’m married to one.) Trust God and serve him with your singleness as you wait for him to bring you a godly man. And pray that you would be attracted to these things more than any outward appearance you see.
You never know what may happen.
Story for you: When I met my now husband for the first time, there was 100% no interest. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. He seemed quiet and nerdy. When one of my best friends asked, “What about Jimmy?” I gasped and said, “He is NOT my type.” But, 9 months into a simple friendship, I found myself praying the Lord would cause him to pursue me because I had already decided I wanted to marry him. My heart had changed. Godliness in a man is more attractive than anything else to a woman in pursuit of the Lord. Jim became (and still is) the hottest guy in my eyes. As I see him grow in Christ, my heart grows more and more fond of him. God knew exactly who I needed in a husband. I’m so thankful I trusted him with that.
16 Responses
Such a great post!!!! Thank you for sharing this and your personal testimony!
Of course! Thanks for reading! <3
This is such a thoughtful & prayerful list on what Godly characteristics should be sought in a man! I absolutely love your story because sometimes our hearts changed after getting to know someone regardless if you were attracted initially. ❤
Awe, you are so right! I would have been missing out big time had God not changed my heart! Thanks for reading! ????
Thank you for this i know what to pray for now ? i can not wait to read more of your blogs. God bless you ❤
Thank u so much for the post…
This is such an awesome post! Unfortunately, there are no godly examples of men in my family, but I have learned what a godly man is through my church. Your post is a great confirmation of what I’ve learned! I’ve never attracted a lot of men, but I know what to look for if marriage is in the cards for me.
Thank you sooo much! The Lord brought this AMAZING man of God into my life and I was so surprised on the first date that I wasn’t very much attracted to him. We hit it off so well over the phone but in person, physically, he wasn’t what I expected. We’ve continued to talk and have gone on 1 other date and he’s honestly everything I’ve prayed for in a potential spouse. Plus, he checks off ALL the characteristics in your blog post. I didn’t think it was normal for me to feel unattracted to him until reading this post. I would so appreciate it you would intercede for me and ask the Father to help grow in attraction to this amazing man as He did for you. ❤
With all due respect, God gives people the option to REMAIN single, even if He leads people to be together. I have rejected Godly men with all of those characteristics, some of whom I wanted to be with and was attracted to. However, I also know what God says about partiality and the fact that even God’s follower, Saul/Paul said he wished all people would be as single as he is, and it IS better to remain single.
But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch4 a woman.5 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
In 1 Corinthians 7:9 Paul tells the church to “let them marry.” It is not a command to “get married.” It is a command to “let them marry.”
It is the Greek word γαμησάτωσαν (gamêsatôsan), an imperative. In other words, it’s a command. The command is to “let” the “unmarried and . . . widows” (vs. 8) “marry” (vs. 9), if they “cannot exercise self-control.” And as should be obvious, the “unmarried” includes virgins, for this same term (ἀγάμοις vs. 8) is used for a virgin in verse 34 (ἄγαμος).
But, is it really a command? A prior verse in 1 Corinthians 7 says,
But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment (1 Corinthians 7:6).
What is “not . . . a commandment”? Is it the prior verses? There Paul commands,
let each man have his own wife
let each woman have her own husband
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her
and likewise also the wife to her husband.
Do not deprive one another (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
In the Greek, these are all in the imperative. They are commands. Likewise, after 1 Corinthians 7:6 (“not . . . a commandment”) “let them marry” in verse 9 is in the imperative. It is a command. So, what do we find in the text that is “not . . . a commandment”? What is not in the imperative? The non-commandment is the decision to be single or not.
Thank the Lord He gives people the option, with His blessing to refuse even Godly people romantically. That is NOT to say to reject them as neighbors or friends, but romantically, God doesn’t condemn people for doing so.
Refer to women as women and not girls. You don’t regret to men as boys in your article.
Great article, thank you so much!
“The more my mind was renewed by his Word, the less attracted I was to outside characteristics and the more I desired a man whose heart was focused on God.” this is a beautiful sentence! will stay with me for life as I seek marriage.
Thank you for this encouragement. It was a post needed for this season in my life.