“But if you could choose, would you choose to be discontent until you receive a baby, or to trust God and never receive a baby?”
His question caused me to pause for thought, making me uncomfortable as it sliced through my self-deception. If God told me that trusting him meant I would never receive a child from my womb, would I still trust him? As much as I wish I could say a hearty “yes!” immediately sprang from my tongue, it would be a lie.
He continued, “Because, in the end, none of this will matter, except that we trusted him.”
The Gift or the Giver
My husband is right. In eternity, what will matter most is not the gifts we received, but how much we trusted the Giver. Did we treasure earthly things more than the true Treasure? Did we submit our lives to our idolized desires or to the King of Kings?
After wrestling with my flesh for a while, I’ve come to this conclusion: I would rather place my trust in my loving Father who knows what’s best for my soul and never receive a child, than place my trust in the fulfillment of my longing for a baby.
I believe he is enough for me.
And when that belief wavers, Lord, help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24)
Contentment is Possible
I’ve been pondering my single years lately–how God drew me close in those lonely days and nights. I remember when contentment fell upon my heart after years of recovering from a broken engagement. The thought of contentment during singleness felt inconceivable for so long, and yet I found myself resting in God’s sovereignty and experiencing his joy and peace.
It is possible to be content in any circumstance.
I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:12-13 ESV)
Paul faced an abundance of painful hardships and he was content in Christ. There’s only one explanation for such a thing: Jesus was the Treasure of his heart; he was his greatest desire.
We, too, must make Christ our greatest Treasure. He alone is worthy of our adoration.
He is more beautiful and precious than a baby, husband, or any other gift we find ourselves longing for. We must seek him in his Word and through prayer more fervently than we seek anything else. Let us make him the One who fills our mind.
In the morning, give me Jesus.
In the evening, give me Jesus.
In the longing, give me Jesus.
In the waiting, give me Jesus.
In the grieving, give me Jesus.
You can have this whole world and everything in it, but give me Jesus.
To my fellow sisters in waiting, God may not give us the things we’re longing for. He may instead give us more of himself.
Even still, are you truly willing to trust him?
This has pricked my heart. I have continued to try and shove the pain away from myself through distractions and social life recently: pain that came from our miscarriage in December. Since recognizing this week, I’ve been “running”, I’ve gone through more waves of emotion AGAIN, they simply wash over me…unexpectantly, and I think, is it done yet… when will it stop hurting God? This is the pain I was running from, wasn’t it? And He simply asks if I’ll sit WITH Him in the pain, rather than run from it…and run from Him. And ultimately, through the tears, I’ve said yes. I’ll sit WITH you Jesus. It hurts, but I’ll be with You.
Amen, praise be to God! I love that hymn too, “give me JESUS”!
This really hit me hard. I’ve realized I’ve been so discontent throughout my days…I always hear others say to trust, but never really anything else. Thank you for your wise words, Brittany. I need to remember that I tried chasing after the things of this world and bc of that I was hurt and used, but the Lord rescued, he took me out of sin I was trapped in for years and took it away in a matter of minutes. I surrendered my life to Him and repented, but since then I’ve been living my single season the wrong way. I have this strong desire to be married, but I have to remember that my God is all I need. He alone can fill the cracks in my heart and the longing in my soul. Thank you, Brittany, for your beautiful story and words.