This Pregnancy Isn’t About Me

I wanted to share an update but felt unsure of how. The typical “Baby Allen coming soon!” announcement just isn’t within our reach. We hope the above statement is true, but only God knows. So, this is the best way I found to say…we’re pregnant again.

I was hesitant to share this. I feared what people would think of my decision to announce our fourth pregnancy to the world so early, given our struggles with miscarriages. “They’ll think I’m presumptuous or just plain stupid. What if I miscarry the day after I share the news? Then I’ll be so embarrassed!” Most people would advise me to keep quiet, reminding me the world doesn’t need to know. But I feel this urgency to push past the discomfort.

If I’ve learned anything in this season, it’s that pregnancy isn’t really about me anyway. It’s not about 9 months of pampering and getting everything I want, it’s not about receiving my ticket to the mom club, or the attention you get from virtually everyone—strangers included. Pregnancy is about God creating a new life. And this new life within my womb has human dignity and deserves to be known about, rejoiced over, and prayed for—regardless of my own fears.

Yes, I realize it’s typical to wait until twelve weeks. But since God saved me, I’ve never been the type to just “go with the flow.” Biblically, life is life whether five weeks old or twelve. The value of life is fixed at conception and doesn’t increase with age. Just because the chance of miscarriage decreases after twelve weeks doesn’t mean those babies aren’t worth mentioning before then. I’m not advocating for every woman to begin announcing pregnancy from the moment they hold a positive in hand. That is their personal choice. But for me, in a country that worships abortion, I feel led to honor the youngest of lives by acknowledging them in front of as many people as I can.

Some may think we are unwise for sharing so early, thinking things like, “Don’t you think you should wait until twelve weeks? You could miscarry.” Others will think, “If she miscarries it will put people in an awkward position.” And to those statements, and other ones I’ve heard in the past, I say, I’m not worried about making people feel awkward or breaking the cultural “12-week rule.” I care about my baby whose life has just as much value from the moment of conception as any person roaming the earth today. My baby, who needs prayer.

And I care about God’s glory. He created our baby for his own purpose. The days of this child were numbered long ago. We hope and pray that number is big. We ask God daily (truly, hour by hour) to sustain this little one’s life. We trust his answer to our prayer will be for our good and his glory. We believe that for us, to follow this path in secret would rob others of seeing God’s glory displayed through our journey—whether he allows our baby to live many years or only a few more days.

We have a long road ahead and many hills to climb. We know from experience how quickly good news can fade into tragedy. We (I, especially) are in the battle of a lifetime. There is no war like the war against fear in the mind of a pregnant woman who’s felt life perish from within multiple times. If you are a dear friend, a member of our church, or a family member, we ask that you pray with us for our little one, with hearts submitted to God’s good will. Please pray that we would fix our eyes on Jesus and maintain an eternal perspective.

I know many may still feel unsure of our decision to share this fragile news now. We ask that you trust that we have been prayerful and feel we are being obedient in doing so. This is also not an attack on those who wait until later in the pregnancy, but simply an explanation as to why we are not.

Lastly, I’ve had the joy of getting to know many women who have found comfort in the Lord through our story, as they suffer the loss of a baby or wrestle with infertility (or both). I know this announcement (though we are still very much in the thick of the struggle, knowing we may lose this baby too) may bring up the deep pain of barrenness in your heart. I hate that. I wish I could take it away. I pray you’d cast your sorrows on the Lord and allow him to comfort you. You are seen. You are loved. May you feel his nearness today.

Thank you in advance for your love and support. It truly means the world.