Brittany Lee Allen

If I've learned anything in this season, it's that pregnancy isn't really about me anyway.

This Pregnancy Isn’t About Me

I wanted to share an update but felt unsure of how. The typical “Baby Allen coming soon!” announcement just isn’t within our reach. We hope the above statement is true, but only God knows. So, this is the best way I found to say…we’re pregnant again.

I was hesitant to share this. I feared what people would think of my decision to announce our fourth pregnancy to the world so early, given our struggles with miscarriages. “They’ll think I’m presumptuous or just plain stupid. What if I miscarry the day after I share the news? Then I’ll be so embarrassed!” Most people would advise me to keep quiet, reminding me the world doesn’t need to know. But I feel this urgency to push past the discomfort.

If I’ve learned anything in this season, it’s that pregnancy isn’t really about me anyway. It’s not about 9 months of pampering and getting everything I want, it’s not about receiving my ticket to the mom club, or the attention you get from virtually everyone—strangers included. Pregnancy is about God creating a new life. And this new life within my womb has human dignity and deserves to be known about, rejoiced over, and prayed for—regardless of my own fears.

Yes, I realize it’s typical to wait until twelve weeks. But since God saved me, I’ve never been the type to just “go with the flow.” Biblically, life is life whether five weeks old or twelve. The value of life is fixed at conception and doesn’t increase with age. Just because the chance of miscarriage decreases after twelve weeks doesn’t mean those babies aren’t worth mentioning before then. I’m not advocating for every woman to begin announcing pregnancy from the moment they hold a positive in hand. That is their personal choice. But for me, in a country that worships abortion, I feel led to honor the youngest of lives by acknowledging them in front of as many people as I can.

Some may think we are unwise for sharing so early, thinking things like, “Don’t you think you should wait until twelve weeks? You could miscarry.” Others will think, “If she miscarries it will put people in an awkward position.” And to those statements, and other ones I’ve heard in the past, I say, I’m not worried about making people feel awkward or breaking the cultural “12-week rule.” I care about my baby whose life has just as much value from the moment of conception as any person roaming the earth today. My baby, who needs prayer.

And I care about God’s glory. He created our baby for his own purpose. The days of this child were numbered long ago. We hope and pray that number is big. We ask God daily (truly, hour by hour) to sustain this little one’s life. We trust his answer to our prayer will be for our good and his glory. We believe that for us, to follow this path in secret would rob others of seeing God’s glory displayed through our journey—whether he allows our baby to live many years or only a few more days.

We have a long road ahead and many hills to climb. We know from experience how quickly good news can fade into tragedy. We (I, especially) are in the battle of a lifetime. There is no war like the war against fear in the mind of a pregnant woman who’s felt life perish from within multiple times. If you are a dear friend, a member of our church, or a family member, we ask that you pray with us for our little one, with hearts submitted to God’s good will. Please pray that we would fix our eyes on Jesus and maintain an eternal perspective.

I know many may still feel unsure of our decision to share this fragile news now. We ask that you trust that we have been prayerful and feel we are being obedient in doing so. This is also not an attack on those who wait until later in the pregnancy, but simply an explanation as to why we are not.

Lastly, I’ve had the joy of getting to know many women who have found comfort in the Lord through our story, as they suffer the loss of a baby or wrestle with infertility (or both). I know this announcement (though we are still very much in the thick of the struggle, knowing we may lose this baby too) may bring up the deep pain of barrenness in your heart. I hate that. I wish I could take it away. I pray you’d cast your sorrows on the Lord and allow him to comfort you. You are seen. You are loved. May you feel his nearness today.

Thank you in advance for your love and support. It truly means the world.

5 Responses

  1. I rejoice with you!
    As a truly barren one, I envy the little ones you have waiting for you in glory…and submit that before our Lord, as He graciously keeps working on my heart BUT I still fully rejoice with you- truly, from the bottom of my heart. God is merciful, gracious and good… and in His plan, this is wonderful news.
    Will pray for strength for every day!!
    Blessings, sister.

  2. This is so incredibly encouraging. I first heard your story on the Joy and Infertility podcast and immediately found your blog. Around the same time I listened to your episode, I felt God very present and clearly calling me to trust him completely in the timing of our next baby. (We battled infertility for nearly 3 years before our firstborn and had a miscarriage before each of our sons, who are 21 months apart.) For me, that means no worldly help getting pregnant and staying pregnant. All glory be to God! Just two weeks after he spoke this to me in December, we learned we were miraculously pregnant with no timing or tracking and only 8 months after the birth of our second son. We are blown away by this gift! We are trusting God, and any time doubt tries to set in, stories like yours encourage me and point me back to Christ. Thank you for sharing your story. I am continually praying that the days of your newest little one are many.

  3. We tried for 11 years to have a child, adopt a child, just some answer from God that he still heard my cry,”Oh God, someone close is pregnant. I want to be happy for her, I am happy for her, but God isn’t it my turn? We finally heard the news that changed emptiness into hope. I was filled with such joy, but on Christmas we were informed our baby was not alive, I corrected the Dr. many times. This was a child not a fetus. Between Christmas we went through 3 surgical procedures. The final one early Christmas morning. I awoke to hear children singing and thought, thank God I am dead. We adopted our only child 4 years later and I promised God I would praise him if he loaned that child for 4 months or 40 years. Thankfully he did not take our child, but my heart will never forget our Christmas baby, and the child He entrusted me with another.

  4. Thank you for sharing your story! Our first pregnancy ended at 7 weeks just a few days ago. It means so much to know I’m not alone. We live in a world that doesn’t value life that young, and everyone seems to think of this a delayed due date rather than a real loss.

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