Clearly, I’m not the first person to address the viral article “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.” And I won’t be the last, I’m sure. My purpose in writing this article is not to top any of the other rebuttals or to fully break down the ridiculous statements Mrs Alexander has made. I could write many words exposing how she has elevated marriage to be the highest goal for a woman, completely disregarding single women. I could spend a whole blog post on her comment about the need for our husbands to explain the Bible to us, as if women don’t have the capacity to understand deep theology. And I could thoroughly address her twisted view of complementarianism, her legalism and how she darkens the beauty of the gospel with it.
But I want to focus in on something I’ve found missing in the conversation: Godly men aren’t looking for tattoo-less, debt-free virgins.…
It’s a tale as old as time. An exhausted wife looks at the mountain of laundry, and then at dirty dishes practically jumping out from the sink. She glances over, only to see her husband relaxing on the couch. She thinks to herself, I know what will make him help me. And thus begins her manipulation to get the help she desires.
The only problem is, sex is not and never should be a bribe.
The Purpose of Sex
There are multiple purposes for which God created sex. In Genesis 1:28, we see sex was a means to reproduce and fill the earth. While this is the most obvious reason God created sex, we can infer from the way he created it to work, between husband and wife, that he also created it to bring pleasure within marriage.
God is in control of the biological, emotional and spiritual affects of sex, because he created it.…
In the latter days of our engagement I, like any bride to be, was looking forward to our wedding night, where I would “become one” with my Groom. (Genesis 2:24). I was nervous and excited to be “fully Known” by the man I loved. What I didn’t know was what fully known actually means.
After nearly 4 years of marriage I have learned that it’s about so much more than sex. To be fully known is to allow yourself to be fully given.
Naked and Shamed
We see this in the first marriage in Genesis:
And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25 ESV)
My wedding night was beautiful except for one big elephant in the room: shame. And my unwelcome friend, Shame, followed me all throughout our honeymoon. Why are you here, Shame?!
“Remember how you used to use sex as a tool to make you feel loved?…
In a culture that celebrates pride and the rejection of all types of authority, submission is defined as weakness. It’s seen as equivalent to being a door mat or a punching bag.
I used to think this way. But as I grew in my faith I began to recognize how completely wrong I was. It’s easy, even natural, to rebel against authority. Authority threatens our sense of control over our lives.
What takes great strength though, is submission.
Hear me out.
What is True Submission?
Biblical submission is much different from how our culture defines it. The world says a woman who submits to her husband is weak-willed and has no opinions or thoughts for herself. She is useless. A waste of potential.
Biblical submission, however, is truly a beautiful picture of Christ and his Bride.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
One thing that drives me nuts is the idea that real manhood equals a life of hunting, driving big trucks, and owning multiple guns.
Mostly, because I look around and see many men who just aren’t wired that way. Some men care more about computers and would rather sleep in a comfy bed than in a tent. Just like women aren’t all interested in pretty dresses and Anne of Green Gables, men shouldn’t be considered “manly” by their hobbies and interests.
And just as scripture should inform our minds about biblical womanhood, motherhood and the like, we must allow scripture to teach us what true manhood is as well.
So, on behalf of my single girls, I decided to look to the Creator of men to find what is true manhood as he designed and the true characteristics you should be looking for in a potential husband.
It all started with that first happily ever after movie, preaching the same old story of perfection found in a prince. He would be dashingly handsome and his charisma would forever sweep me off my feet. We would live, always fully enthralled with each other’s affection and never tempted to glance away.
Or so I thought.
They Lied To Us
Movies and Christian romance novels have lied to us, ladies. So many of us believe that once we find the right “prince,” our affections will never waver and our eyes will never wander. But that’s a lie…and a dangerous one.
Here’s the thing. Saying your vows isn’t like taking a love potion. At some point in your marriage, you will be tempted. We don’t like to talk about these things because of embarrassment, but there’s truth to be heeded here.
It’s no secret that I think my man is pretty hot.…