I haven’t shied away from sharing my failures before Christ saved me and even after. Not in a spirit of boasting but rather in humility, recognizing where I came from. If you’ve been around me for long, you probably know I was held captive to lust and sexual immorality for many years. By God’s grace many of my struggles with sexual sin ended quickly once he placed a new heart in my chest. But there was one besetting sin which seemed so very impossible to conquer.
Even as a brand new Christian, I caught on to the fact that this wasn’t something you talk about. At least, that’s the impression I got.
I felt hopeless.
I felt disgusting.
I felt alone.
For many months, I believed the only reason I struggled was because of my promiscuous past. As I journeyed in the faith and began speaking with other women about the issue of lust, I realized I was mistaken.…
There are men other than my Husband who know me deeply. They know about my childhood, my struggles and dreams. I wish I could say I’m talking about my Dad and another Father figure but unfortunately, that isn’t the case. They were my previous boyfriends.
As a teen, I was on a long search to be known. I craved it like Chipotle or ice cream. I needed to be known, to be understood. So, I was pretty much an open book begging to be read by any boy who showed interest. Oh please, let me tell you about all the ways I have been hurt in my life! It made me feel close to them–even if we weren’t physically close.
The problem is, my ex-boyfriends were never meant to have those pieces of my mind. I was never meant to be deeply known by those men. I should have reserved those deeper hurts and fears for my Husband alone (Lucky him!).…
This isn’t the case for everyone. Many couples have fallen into sin, repented and are happily married. But we knew that wouldn’t be the case for us. Like most Christians, we wanted so badly to honor God with our dating and engagement stage. My Husband came from a Christian home and had remained physically pure the entire 27 years of his life before we married. I, on the other hand, had done the exact opposite until the Lord captured my heart when I was 21.
Even coming from such contrasting backgrounds, we both were so very aware of the destruction premarital sex reaps. He, from God’s word and, I, from experience. To be clear, I am speaking of all types of sex, not just the main event. (Can’t believe I just wrote that. Awkward…)
For 3 years, I have waited. Sometimes, I waited well. Other times…not so much. I’ve had dreams and desires for ministry that have gone unfulfilled and my heart has many times been frustrated. I wanted to devote time to writing and ministry. But I had to work. I wanted to be a homemaker and actually have time to clean our humble abode. But we needed my income. I felt as if I was in a never ending cycle of being still, becoming restless, which moved my heart to discontentment, and then back to humbly trusting the Lord and remaining still, yet again.
Today is the day I’ve anticipated for a long while. My heart is filled with excitement and uneasiness about the unknown, but mostly my heart is filled with joy. My Lord provided, in his time, in his way and in spite of my restless, struggling heart.
I start this new season with enough wisdom from the Lord to know that the excitement will indeed wear off.…
I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just kinda poured out of my mouth like poison.
Gossip is sneaky. One minute you’re being helpful and the next you’ve gone and spilled the beans. We think it’s okay as long as we’re just vague enough. We aren’t telling the whole story, but if a couple questions are asked the listener is sure to figure it out. After all, we can’t lie so we have to answer them right?
It’s a slippery slope. One we choose to slide down whether we recognize it or not. No one falls into gossip. We straight up leap head first with a smile on our face. But why? Maybe because we feel further along than the person we’re slandering, or they’ve hurt us and we want someone to back us up, or we just plain don’t like them.…
My heart immediately sunk to my stomach as I heard about the super fun night I wasn’t invited to. The more I listened the more it was disclosed–we had been left out again. “But why did they invite every other young couple we know but not us?!” I said to my husband, desperate to understand. “Maybe it’s because you’re so quiet. Or maybe it’s because I’m so obnoxious! Maybe they just don’t like me for some reason.”
Have you been there? Circumstances like this can be painful and revealing of the pride in our hearts. I write this as a gal who has not overcome this issue in its entirety. I’m speaking from the trenches, but I am growing. Maybe you’re in the trenches too, and could benefit from hearing what God is teaching me.
It’s Not Possible
Reality check: You cannot be close to every girl you meet, nor should you be.…